It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
