ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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