Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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