How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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