Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
