A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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