There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
