just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
