Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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