I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
