good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
