It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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