seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
