my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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