You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
