this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
