you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
