U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
