But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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