MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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