lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
