dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
