He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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