apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
