nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
