i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize