im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
