Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
