Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
