I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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