I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So many bounce houses so little time
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
