I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
