yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
