New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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