I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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