She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
