every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
