Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
