apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
