I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
