trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
