8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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