And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
