I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the day after is always just damage control
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
