I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
