First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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