if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
