But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
