HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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