Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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