I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
