That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
