I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
