Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
