I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
