I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
