i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
