My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Come see our sink grown plant.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
