i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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