i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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