do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
