The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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