Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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