I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
