i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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