I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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