Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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