I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I will pee on everything he values.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
