Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I believe in your delicious
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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