Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
