I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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