Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
