who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
