Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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