they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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