I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
