Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
