Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize