i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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