Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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