Kiss
Puke
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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