Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
