This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
