your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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