twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
