I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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