you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
