I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
