why didn't you poke me back
I just threw up on my dentist
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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